What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 20:34
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I have no regrets .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
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She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
What did i know ?
He resisted the act ,that day.
When she asked me how she looked .
Why did i forgive my father ?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
How do people develop stage 4 cancer without noticing until it’s too late?
Comes on , in middle age.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
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She found it foreign!.
We were not on the streets..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Who was the guy that had sex with the AIDS monkey?
She married twice! .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But it wasn’t much.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
In what ways does Islam oppress women?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Why should the law care about what I do behind closed doors?
Especially a lifetime of it.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Why do some films seem to date/age so badly?
We all went to grammer schools
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Why are American women so ugly nowadays?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I couldn’t, believe it.
She wouldn,t have been !
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My life is so biszare .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I said to her
I will be 64.
But, we were locked up after school.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I never cut or harmed myself..
I write beautiful poetry .
Ive learnt so much.
Im still living with it.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She loved him until the end.
He knew the spot.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Would this be the day?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I think the readers, may guess!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She was in good health!
I waited trembling.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
So, i spoilt her more .
This is soul school!.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Was to survive, this bastard.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
So whats the point in blame.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
One cannot live in the past .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was 9 years of age.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My family never makes their pension either.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
(And it was in our own minds.)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I was seconnd youngest,
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Put me off passion for life!!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was very sick at this time too.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I was scared of men, in general
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And i lived it daily.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I don,t even have a pension.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
All the time i was locked up.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Who then, do I blame.?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
It was going to be , some day.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.